when Emotional Abuse is Subtle
Is it abuse?
We tend to associate the word “abuse” with more extreme behaviors and actions. However, abuse occurs on a continuum and can take on different forms and morph and/or escalate over time. Abuse can be explicit or extreme in nature and involve physical violence and name calling. And abuse can also be covert and more nuanced—causing it to be almost undetectable or confused as normal behavior. This type of abuse is also known as “subtle abuse.”
Subtle abuse can be difficult to recognize or detect because it often consists of “small” acts of aggression that compound gradually over time. Controlling behaviors, efforts to limit or infringe on your autonomy and privacy, are common in these types of relationships,
Here are 7 ways an emotionally abusive partner might try to controlYou:
1. Your time
Emotionally abusive partners often try to dominate your time and control how you spend your time and who you share your time with. They often use guilt and shame to make you feel bad for allocating time to other people and things that are outside of the relationship.
2. Your lifestyle
Emotionally abusive partners often try to control your lifestyle by criticizing and/or challenging various aspects of your life including your hobbies and interests, your diet, your schedule and daily routine, and how you clean and organize your home.
3. Your appearance.
Emotionally abusive partners might try to dictate what you wear (and don't wear), control how much (or how little) makeup you use, influence how you style your hair or clothing and criticize or attempt to manage your body and weight (i.e. telling you to exercise more, portioning out your food, commenting on your diet).
4. Your relationships
Emotionally abusive partners will often try to limit the amount of contact you have with your support system including family, friends and communities you are part of.
5. Your voice
Emotionally abusive partners are likely to dismiss or shut down your ideas, opinions, feelings and experiences that do not align or reflect theirs.
6. Your money/resources
Emotionally abusive partners may try to control your access to shared resources such as money, transportation or
7. Your goals and personal pursuits
Emotionally abusive partners will often try to dissuade you from pursuing your personal or individual goals and ambitions--things that do not directly serve the relationship. They will often try to poke holes in your plans or claim that having a personal goal is selfish or a waste of time to discourage you.
Trust your gut
If someone is making you feel bad about yourself or question your self-worth—it could be a sign of subtle abuse. You don’t have to wait for things to get “really bad” to leave or end a relationship that is harming you or costing you your mental health and wellbeing.
Therapy for emotional abuse in San Diego
If you are a San Diego or California resident, Cove Counseling Group offers specialized support and therapy for emotional abuse in-person in San Diego and virtually throughout California.
To learn more, schedule your free 15-minute consultation today!
