10 Signs You Are Experiencing Emotional Abuse
by Leah Aguirre Barnes, LCSW
Emotional abuse is often unrecognizable
Emotional abuse can be difficult detect or recognize—especially when it’s subtle, covert or disguised as something else like care or concern.
It often occurs slowly and gradually and can be hard to identify when you weren’t taught what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like to begin with.
Recognizing the signs of a coercive or controlling dynamic is an important step toward understanding your experience and reclaiming your power.
Here are 10 signs to look out for:
You constantly feel on edge: You’re always anticipating your partner’s reactions—carefully monitoring and adjusting your words and behavior as if you’re walking on eggshells.
You’re afraid to express your true thoughts and feelings: You hesitate to speak up because you fear being dismissed, criticized, or punished for how you feel.
You don’t feel free to be yourself: You suppress parts of your personality, interests, or identity to avoid judgment, rejection, or conflict.
You make excuses for your partner’s harmful behavior: You find yourself rationalizing or minimizing their mistreatment—telling yourself things like, “They’re just stressed,” or “It wasn’t that bad.”
You silence yourself to avoid conflict: You hold back opinions, needs, or boundaries—especially when they differ from your partner’s—because it doesn’t feel emotionally safe to disagree.
You internalize blame for the harm you’re experiencing: You regularly think things like, “I’m being too sensitive,” or “Maybe it’s my fault,” rather than recognizing the emotional toll your partner’s behavior is taking.
You avoid talking about your relationship with others: You fear judgment or questioning from loved ones, so you keep your relationship private—even when it hurts to do so.
You feel like your needs are dismissed or irrelevant: Your emotional, physical, or relational needs are met with indifference, annoyance, or outright refusal.
You’re coping through numbing or distraction: You may turn to substances, overworking, endlessly scrolling social media, or other avoidant behaviors to escape the painful reality of your relationship.
You find yourself questioning whether this is abuse: If you are asking yourself or googling “Is this normal?” or “Could this be emotional abuse?”—it’s worth exploring the answer with care and support.
You are not alone and support is available
If any of this feels familiar, know that you are absolutely not alone and don’t have to process it by yourself. Our trauma-informed therapists at Cove Counseling Group can help you explore your experience with care, compassion and guidance.
Schedule a free 15 min consultation with a Cove therapist today.
