From ‘My Needs Don’t Matter’ to Speaking Up: Trauma-Informed Support for Attachment Healing
by Leah Aguirre Barnes, LCSW
Do You Struggle to Express Your Needs?
Do you struggle with expressing your needs—or even making them known?
You’re not alone. Most people wrestle with this at some point in their lives.
This challenge can show up in many areas of life:
romantic relationships
friendships
family dynamics
at work
Why It Feels So Hard—The Trauma Link
Communicating and stating our needs is challenging—especially if you’ve experienced trauma or carry unhealed attachment wounds. When your needs have been neglected, minimized, or rejected, it can leave a lasting impact. Over time, this creates insecurity and doubt about whether it’s even okay to ask for what you need.
You may have developed false narratives or self-limiting beliefs, such as:
“My needs don’t matter.”
“I’m too much for wanting more.”
“I can’t rely on anyone.”
At one point, these beliefs may have been adaptive. They protected you from further hurt or disappointment. But as time goes on, they can become barriers—keeping you from building healthy connections or experiencing true intimacy in your current relationships.
Where Healing Begins—The Hack
So, how do you start to overcome this struggle?
You have to begin stating your unmet needs and asking for what you want.
When you name the need and put it into words, you give others a chance to meet it. This can feel deeply uncomfortable at first—but here’s the reality: your friend, partner, or family member can’t read your mind. They don’t know what they don’t know.
And while some people in your life may not be able to meet your needs, I have a strong feeling that there are others who can—and who would be honored to show up for you in a meaningful way. Either way, by giving yourself the opportunity to have corrective experiences, you can begin to unlearn what you once knew to be true.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you recognize yourself in this struggle, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you untangle the beliefs that keep you silent and support you in reclaiming your voice, your needs, and your relationships.
If you’re ready to overcome the trauma that’s been holding you back, reach out to us today. We’d be honored to support you on your healing journey.
Schedule a free 15-min consultation with an expert therapist today!
