Therapy for Healing From Emotionally Abusive Relationships: Heal from Coercive, Controlling and Emotionally Abusive Relationships
You are not imagining it — and you are not alone.
Emotional abuse and coercive control leave deep, invisible wounds. The confusion, self-doubt, and lingering anxiety you are experiencing are real. At Cove Counseling Group, we specialize in helping adults break free from the trauma of emotionally abusive relationships. If you have experienced or survived gaslighting, manipulation, control, or subtle psychological abuse, we’re here to help you heal.
“What Is an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?”
An emotionally abusive relationship is a relationship in which one partner, the abuser, uses coercive, controlling and other manipulative tactics to assert power and control over the other partner.
Emotional abuse can be overt or extreme (i.e. name calling, use of intimidation or threats) or covert (i.e. constant criticism, gaslighting, use of guilt and shame). The latter, covert abuse, is often difficult to detect because it typically occurs gradually over time and is nuanced in nature.
What Is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse doesn’t always involve profanity, name-calling, or yelling. It’s often more nuanced and involves a pattern of behavior that is coercive and controlling in nature. Emotional abuse strips away your sense of self and erodes your self-worth. Common tactics include:
Gaslighting — denying your reality or making you question your reality
Isolation — cutting you off from friends, family, and general support system
Controlling behaviors—efforts to limit and infringe on your autonomy and privacy
Blame-shifting —blaming you for their negative moods, reactivity and distress
Regular criticism —targeted, systematic criticism designed to create shame, distort your self-perception, and magnify your insecurities.
If this feels familiar, you don’t have to face it alone. Schedule a confidential consultation today — we’re here to support your healing.
Emotional Abuse vs. Healthy Conflict
While conflict in a relationship is normal, in an emotionally abusive relationship the abuser creates and uses conflict to assert power and control over you.
Healthy conflict involves:
Open and honest communication: Both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of punishment or consequence.
Shared responsibility: Each person acknowledges their role in the conflict and works collaboratively toward resolution.
Mutual trust and respect: Disagreements are navigated with care for each other’s well-being and emotional safety.
Willingness to repair and reconnect:After conflict, both partners actively work to restore connection and understanding.
Setting and honoring boundaries Each person respects the other's emotional, physical, and relational limits—even in moments of tension.
Emotional abuse involves:
Complete disregard for your feelings and experiences: Your feelings are regularly minimized, dismissed, or invalidated.
Pushing back on or ignoring your boundaries: When you express a need or limit, the other person challenges it, mocks it, or violates it repeatedly.
Coercive, controlling, and manipulative tactics: These may include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, love-bombing, withdrawal, or threats.
Isolating you from support: When your partner tries to limit your contact with friends, family, or other important support persons in your life.
Creating a climate of fear, guilt, or obligation: When you feel like you’re constantly “walking on eggshells” around your partner.
10 Signs You Are Experiencing Emotional Abuse
You constantly feel on edge: You’re always anticipating your partner’s reactions—carefully monitoring and adjusting your words and behavior as if you’re walking on eggshells.
You’re afraid to express your true thoughts and feelings: You hesitate to speak up because you fear being dismissed, criticized, or punished for how you feel.
You don’t feel free to be yourself: You suppress parts of your personality, interests, or identity to avoid judgment, rejection, or conflict.
You make excuses for your partner’s harmful behavior: You find yourself rationalizing or minimizing their mistreatment—telling yourself things like, “They’re just stressed,” or “It wasn’t that bad.”
You silence yourself to avoid conflict: You hold back opinions, needs, or boundaries—especially when they differ from your partner’s—because it doesn’t feel emotionally safe to disagree.
You internalize blame for the harm you’re experiencing: You regularly think things like, “I’m being too sensitive,” or “Maybe it’s my fault,” rather than recognizing the emotional toll your partner’s behavior is taking.
You avoid talking about your relationship with others: You fear judgment or questioning from loved ones, so you keep your relationship private—even when it hurts to do so.
You feel like your needs are dismissed or irrelevant: Your emotional, physical, or relational needs are met with indifference, annoyance, or outright refusal.
You’re coping through numbing or distraction: You may turn to substances, overworking, compulsive scrolling, or other avoidant behaviors to escape the painful reality of your relationship.
You find yourself questioning whether this is abuse: You wonder, “Is this normal?” or “Could this be emotional abuse?” If you're asking the question, it’s worth exploring the answer with care and support.
The Invisible Wounds of Emotional Abuse
Although emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible wounds or bruises, its impact is very real. Many survivors experience:
Anxiety, depression, or symptoms of PTSD
Guilt, shame, and/or persistent fear and anxiety
A damaged sense of self-worth
At Cove Counseling Group, we understand the lasting impact of this kind of trauma — even long after the relationship ends.
Our Specialized Approach to Healing
We are a trauma-focused, trauma-informed group practice offering:
EMDR Therapy for addressing the deeper, underlying wounds that make it difficult to move forward in a meaningful full way
Parts Work (Internal Family Systems) to reconnect with your true self and wounded parts
Attachment-Focused Therapy to rebuild trust in yourself and others
A compassionate, validating space where your story can be witnessed and your experience honored
Our therapists specialize in working with survivors of emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control.
Meet Leah Aguirre Barnes, LCSW
Specializing in Emotional Abuse, Coercive Relationships, and Relational Trauma
Leah Aguirre Barnes is a licensed clinical social worker and a recognized expert in the field of emotional abuse, coercive control, and relational trauma. With years of experience working with survivors of toxic and emotionally abusive relationships, Leah brings a compassionate, direct, and trauma-informed approach to her clients.
She is the author of Is This Really Love?, a guide for individuals navigating the confusion, manipulation, and subtle patterns of emotional abuse in relationships. Leah’s expertise has been featured in major media outlets, including Psychology Today, GQ, Bumble, and the San Diego Union-Tribune, where she shares insights on emotional health, relationships, and healing.
At Cove Counseling Group, Leah specializes in helping adults reclaim their sense of self, rebuild self-trust, and break free from destructive relationship patterns. Her work is grounded in evidence-based trauma modalities, including EMDR, Self-Compassion and attachment-focused therapy.
Leah believes that with the right support, you can heal, grow, and create the healthy, authentic relationships you deserve.
