Break Free from Emotionally Abusive Relationships:
Trauma-Informed Therapy to Help You Heal from Coercive, Controlling and Emotionally Abusive Relationships
“What Is an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?”
An emotionally abusive relationships is a relationship in which one partner, the abuser, uses coercive, controlling and other manipulative tactics to assert power and control over the other partner.
Emotional abuse can be overt or extreme (i.e. name calling, use of intimidation or threats) or covert (i.e. constant criticism, gaslighting, use of guilt and shame). The latter, covert abuse, is often difficult to detect because it typically occurs gradually over time and is nuanced in nature.
Emotional Abuse vs. Healthy Conflict
While conflict in a relationship is normal, in an emotionally abusive relationship the abuser creates and uses conflict to assert power and control over you.
Healthy conflict involves:
Open and honest communication: Both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of punishment or consequence.
Shared responsibility: Each person acknowledges their role in the conflict and works collaboratively toward resolution.
Mutual trust and respect: Disagreements are navigated with care for each other’s well-being and emotional safety.
Willingness to repair and reconnect:After conflict, both partners actively work to restore connection and understanding.
Setting and honoring boundaries Each person respects the other's emotional, physical, and relational limits—even in moments of tension.
Emotional abuse involves:
Complete disregard for your feelings and experiences: Your feelings are regularly minimized, dismissed, or invalidated.
Pushing back on or ignoring your boundaries: When you express a need or limit, the other person challenges it, mocks it, or violates it repeatedly.
Coercive, controlling, and manipulative tactics: These may include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, love-bombing, withdrawal, or threats.
Isolating you from support: When your partner tries to limit your contact with friends, family, or other important support persons in your life.
Creating a climate of fear, guilt, or obligation: When you feel like you’re constantly “walking on eggshells” around your partner.
10 Signs You Are Experiencing Emotional Abuse
You constantly feel on edge: You’re always anticipating your partner’s reactions—carefully monitoring and adjusting your words and behavior as if you’re walking on eggshells.
You’re afraid to express your true thoughts and feelings: You hesitate to speak up because you fear being dismissed, criticized, or punished for how you feel.
You don’t feel free to be yourself: You suppress parts of your personality, interests, or identity to avoid judgment, rejection, or conflict.
You make excuses for your partner’s harmful behavior: You find yourself rationalizing or minimizing their mistreatment—telling yourself things like, “They’re just stressed,” or “It wasn’t that bad.”
You silence yourself to avoid conflict: You hold back opinions, needs, or boundaries—especially when they differ from your partner’s—because it doesn’t feel emotionally safe to disagree.
You internalize blame for the harm you’re experiencing: You regularly think things like, “I’m being too sensitive,” or “Maybe it’s my fault,” rather than recognizing the emotional toll your partner’s behavior is taking.
You avoid talking about your relationship with others: You fear judgment or questioning from loved ones, so you keep your relationship private—even when it hurts to do so.
You feel like your needs are dismissed or irrelevant: Your emotional, physical, or relational needs are met with indifference, annoyance, or outright refusal.
You’re coping through numbing or distraction: You may turn to substances, overworking, compulsive scrolling, or other avoidant behaviors to escape the painful reality of your relationship.
You find yourself questioning whether this is abuse: You wonder, “Is this normal?” or “Could this be emotional abuse?” If you're asking the question, it’s worth exploring the answer with care and support.
